I'm feeling Anselm Kiefer-ish tonight. If you have not seen "Over your city grass will grow", you should. That is my local cemetery by the way as I don(t own a bunker yet. Working on it.
in a median paraphrasing, you described the state you were in. the forearms muscle completely relaxed, Theo Parrish is playing and the warmth you release is convenient to a lot of people. your teeth have not yet fallen and you can clearly see that the light you are experiencing is universal. there are no barriers, no sad ending, no boys killing themselves out of despair. this is the world as you know it.