Argh! It's that time again. At no other time in the year is the battle so fierce. Yes, I want to show my friends I love them, but do I really want to write merry christmas on a card printed in China (it already says Merry Christmas inside anyway) or worse some ugly squirrel or robin plonked on some ethically sourced most unappealingly designed card ( thank you for reminded me that we live in a bad bad ugly mean world where there's no fun to be have anymore), do I really really want to buy them the new Alec Soth or the new Stephen Gill book (no, I want it for MYSELF). Mostly, I'm condemned to a whole month of guilt ridden thoughts for not being as generous, as thoughtful as I should. My whole winging, self-pitying behavior gets a knock on the shoulder too when the concrete proof that I am surrounded by people who loves me, is right there, pilling up in front of me (well, so much for the chocolate!).
I have to go... another friend to meet up for a last drink before the new year ( oh! please let it be the Alec Soth book!).


My mind is a minefield


On the positive side, I can always shuffle in my Iphoto and Mies Itunes playlist and instantly feel better.
Music is man made but it takes me places no human being ever will. The playlist I'm listening to now is called Slipped Disco and it swoon just the right amount of warmth, light and energy to get me through the day. The one playing now is Dear African Sky, a remix by one of my favorite producer Henrik Schwartz.


Ideas contain visions of the absolute

I'm sorry I don't have time to writte. But I have been reading; Salman Rushdie and my Photoworks magazine. I've read it five times. I have done some great still life and I went to see or should I say to unravel in James Turrell exhibition at the Gagosian gallery (hi Larry!); very fulfilling.



Back in black

Some days, when I go down the tube on the escalator, I start humming "Highway to hell" by AC/DC, in a low enough voice that will not raise suspicion. The parents and teacher meeting went well yesterday. Right until the start I was snapping away and this is some of it. 


coming back in a good mindframe

...the possibility of returning to what has already happened is phenomenal...it is specifically human... it is art, isn't it? That is what listening to house music induces on me.
...the bloody crippling doubt came on at me again, and I went digging in one of my negatives pick and mix boxes looking for this photo I took with my Olympus MJ. This is from around the time where I started to finally admit  that good photography was essentially good when the main subject was light, the rest comes after. I have always liked this photo. A couple of years after taking it, I saw one  very similar by Juergen Teller; see it here. Ironically, in typical Teller, his doesn't have much light but that is what make it good; its gloom. I like feeling that the people I have long admired seem to be in the same head space as me. very reassuring. This hasn't been happening for a long time. The snowy light in London at the moment is like the one in this photo: a mix of blue and yellow on a milky dust, very difficult to replicate. It is beautiful.
I'll kill you, creepy doubt.